Another weird post. I’m just writing this to prove my friends wrong. That thought like these are NOT as odd as they make them out to be. I actually shared this one thought of mine with a group of my close friends at a recent gathering. I thought they, of all people would not declare me mentally insane. Wrong. I regretted telling them these things SO BADLY. They laughed for a good 45 min or so at my expense. Girls, I love you to pieces, but sometimes you make me feel like more of a nutcase than I already am. Wondering what was so outrageous that made them go like that? Read on.
I, ever since my first conscious memories, looked at my younger brothers and felt envy at their care-free lives. Throughout my childhood I always had at least one brother under school-going age, so everyday after comingback from school with a backload of books and a mental load of homework, I’d look at my lil brother zooming airplanes around the house and obviously feel jealousy. I knew such jealousy was pointless because everyone, including me, had years like that. My question was, what was the point of having those carefree early years if we couldn’t remember them? Seemed like an awful waste to me.
Life went on, my (then) youngest brother also started going to school and I felt somewhat satisfied. I turned 18 and lo! New brother. (Don’t get me started on what a surprise that was. I don’t like surprises. But I guess surprises or not, everything turns out OK eventually and you realize that your being a horrified drama queen is wrong. This is a whole different story) Anyways, having a baby in the house made me think of things that hadn’t occurred to me in a long time, including the memories-not-staying-with-you thing. I did all these nice things for my little brother, but disappointedly thought to myself that there really wasn’t any point, since he wouldn’t remember any of it anyhow. I joked that he’d make our lives miserable in the future, when we wouldn’t be able to do anything back to him ’cause he’d remember. We should get even for a lifetime full of wrong-doing NOW. LOL. The things I’d say just to annoy my mom. Anyways, THEN I saw my mom changing his diapers, feeding him, etc, and a horrible thought occurred to me. If we remembered our entire childhoods, we’d be left with traumatizing memories of having giant people wipe our butts and even *gulp* of BEING BREASTFED. OMG OMG OMG. What pandoras box of thought have I opened? I suddenly fully realized and felt thankful for the current order of nature. Thank you, god, for structuring the human life the way it is. Thank you. If we remembered everything from the beginning, we would not be able to look our mothers in the eye, we would not be able to FUNCTION IN SOCIETY. Thinking about the time so-and-so saw you picking your nose, the time you wet your pants, the time you barfed over your aunts hair, the time you…you get the point. Ahhh, thank god we’re safe from such trauma that would scar us forever.
Now, was coming to this conclusion so irrational and unlikely? I don’t think so. My friends couldn’t stop laughing. They were at first like, “ewww” and then “OK, That’s all fine, but WHY WOULD YOUR MIND EVEN GO THERE? Dude, Jawa, mashallah you have a really unique way of thinking.”
WAS IT THAT BAD? I just thought it was an enlightening thought that I came upon independently which made me appreciate the blackhole of missing memories from my early childhood and infancy. I thought anyone else who’d know would feel the same. Not only that, but that they’d THANK ME. Couldn’t have been more far from the truth.