Ramble Post no.1: Mini Movie Reviews and Cute Farewells

I don’t really know what this post is going to be about. I just wanted to write about what I’ve been up to for the past few days, so I’m guessing that this post will be all over the place.
Hmm, let’s see, I finally watched Ninja Assassin and Oldboy, both movies that were on my to-watch list for a very long time.

Ninja Assassin- mini review

This was my first ninja movie. Am I filled with awe or what? I thought ninjas were regular martial arts dudes! No one told me they had magic healing powers, slink-into-the-blackness abilities, and HOT HOT BODS. Or is that just Rain? I still don’t like him as a singer, but boy do I love him as an actor. He just blew me away in this one. I don’t think I’d have been able to watch this film if it weren’t for him. The whole time I was just ogling his body. When’d he get so hot??? I watched him work out on metal pins. *drool* watched him fight *more drooling* watch him talk in English *SQUEE*, etc. I could carry on but I’m sure you get the picture. Best line from the film? When the asshole commander dude goes like “Hard to believe this guy is a fighting machine. He looks like he belongs in a boy band.” *Rain looks up threateningly*
The sheer irony of that was AWESOME.  They were admittedly laying the one-liners a bit too thick. If it weren’t for Rain and his sexy accent, I’d have laughed at the ridiculousness of it all and stopped watching after the first five minutes or so. The fight scenes were sooo COOL! All the blood made me think to myself that they must be precisely aiming for major arteries only. I was awed. BUT towards the middle of the film it got kinda much. The splashes of blood became comical, ‘cause no way in hell can wounds like that cause human beings to explode like blood-filled piñatas. Also, in my mind, I divide my movies into English movies and Korean movies. Sorry, this one is definitely going in the Korean movies category. During the whole thing, I imagined subtitles, even though they were speaking in plain English. Ok, that sounds weird.

Oldboy- mini review

My dear, dear readers. PLEASE DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE!!! I heard so much praise about this film. It was universally hailed as a ‘cinematic masterpiece’, etc. I had high hopes for it, which it met and surpassed, but nothing prepared me for the ending. Ew.

This movie is not for the faint of heart. My dear readers, I know most of you couldn’t handle my dwelling on a single hand-cutting scene in my review of 127 Hours. You called THAT dark. Honey, you don’t know what dark is till you’ve seen this. It’s so dark, you’ll be blinded. DON’T WATCH THIS FILM.

I think I’d better explain myself, some of you idiots may consider this an invitation, or challenge. A man gets locked up for no apparent reason and stays there for 15 years. He doesn’t know who his captors are or why he’s in there. He gets released one day and tries  to find who captured him and why. He had a 3 year old girl when he disappeared, and while he was locked up, he saw on the news that his wife had been murdered and the police had found evidence linking him to the murder. That’s that. He meets a girl called Mi-do who’s waaayyy younger than him. He begins a relationship with her (a sexual one, to make it clear) He finds his captor, a younger man who taunts him, tells him to find the reason why he did this to him or he’ll kill Mi-do. The captor dude, forgot his name, is stinking rich. Shit happens, in the end Dae-su (our main character) finds out the reason why RichGuy imprisoned him. Back when he was in high school, Dae-su had peeked in through a window and seen RichGuy’s noona(who was in the same school) and Young RichGuy (who was just a few years younger than his sister) have SEX. In other words INCEST. Sick. I wanted to wash my eyes out, reverse time and un-look at that scene. Gross. I know nowadays any form of sex is okayed, as long as it’s consentual, but this is a line NOT to be crossed. No matter how I look at it, it just cannot be justified. And that’s not the worst part, oh no…

Dae-su tells his brother about what he saw, who goes and spreads the rumor about how the sister is a slut. She gets pregnant (with her BROTHER’s child, ARGGG) and jumps off a bridge. Now this demented young psychopath blames Dae-su for the rumors and what happened to his sister and imprisons him for 15 years, releases him, orchestrates his falling in love with Mi-do, calls him over to him penthouse, and shows him proof that MIDO IS HIS OWN DAUGHTER. !$#%$#^%$#%#
What sick f*ck.  Dae-su goes completely crazy for a moment, he begs RichGuy not to tell MI-do, that he’ll do anything. He gets down on his knees and goes completely mad. He acts like a dog, barking and licking RichGuy’s feet, crying and laughing at the same time. It’s horrible. RichGuy, meanwhile, holds a handkerchief to his mouth and LAUGHS INTO IT. Dae-su takes a scissor and CUTS HIS TONGUE OFF. RichGuy, feeling avenged, tells his minions not to let Mi-do see the incriminating photo album and later kills himself, since he doesn’t have anything to live for anymore. Sick.
Oh, and Dae-su gets a woman to hypnotize him and make him forget the fact that Mi-do is his daughter, and they have happy incesty sex for the rest of their lives.
End of review.

What a twisted movie. I needed to watch/read something light after that so I started reading Skip Beat!, the manga. I’m still on the first chapter, but I think it’s just what I need to expunge all remnants of Oldboy out of my brain.

Hmm, what else? Oh, and I had the best time saying goodnight to my baby brother yesterday. Normally he stays up late with me so I have to put him to bed, but yesterday my mom stayed up later than usual and agreed to make him go to sleep with her. (Seriously, she can actually do it. Make him go to sleep, that is. With me, he just plays around and babbles till he falls asleep from exhaustion) So obviously, I was glad to send him off. My mom prepared his bottle and, holding his hand, lead him into her room.

“Bye-bye,” I said. He stopped,  looked back at me and vigorously waved his arm. “Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Bye-bye!” He wouldn’t stop. Then my mom pulled him into the darkened room and closed the door. The door opened again and his hand poked through the opening. “Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Bye-bye!” The door opened, he stood there and kept waving. I kept waving back. We just stood there like idiots, him repeatedly saying bye and me giggling my head off. The door-closing-opening-and continuing-byes continued for like 10 minutes. I think I was a little high because I just couldn’t stop laughing. He was just so serious! Like he was standing at the airport, bidding me adieu for a year apart or something. He went, I watched my movies in peace.

That’s all. Hope you liked my rambling, or least found it good enough to waste your time reading. I’ll write a proper post next time, I swear.


About thejawavillager

I am a mad scientist with an underground lab rivaling Dexter's that I will soon use to rule the world. Join my army or be killed in the aftermath.
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29 Responses to Ramble Post no.1: Mini Movie Reviews and Cute Farewells

  1. Becoming Bitter says:

    First movie – sounds cool and awesome. (By the way, desi movies are comical. Everything especially the fight scenes are illogical).
    Okay the second movie… F*cking Gross! Incest… *shudders*
    Skip Beat! is the best manga -ever- (ever). I’m on chapter 180 or something.
    Now for your rambling – it’s cute. The baby brother bit is adorable. I love kids because they make my heart less bitter. Give him a kiss on the cheek for me will you?

    • Will do! And I’m glad I got my opinions on said films across. Now that I’ve published this post, Imma relax and read Skip Beat to my heart’s content. Seriously, if I haven’t posted anything in a few days, I get anxious and my mind wanders back to my computer through out the day. Can’t get anything done like that.

  2. maddino says:

    Skip Beat! is awesome. Ninja Assassin seemed good and Oldboy was just wrong. I love your baby bro rant. So cute.

  3. Min says:

    oh boy, Ninja Assassin- Definitely only for Rain… that’s the only reason I watched it…

    and then Old Boy- Actually I started watching this movie, and then I got this weird sense that Mi Do was his daughter and this movie was going to get more disturbing than it’d been so far, and it was pretty disturbing already so…. I dropped it. What can I say I’m weak, and I wanted to keep sane, since I have this bad bad reaction to disturbing things- usually involving really vivid nightmares…

  4. alua says:

    What a cutie of a brother you have got! Awwww!

    • 🙂 thanks! (dunno why I’m doing the thanks though. I used to get confused a lot in the beginning. If someone compliments him, should I be the one to say thank you? LOL, I keep imagining possible scenarios where the other person goes like. I’m saying it to HIM not YOU. Though that would probably not happen, most of the people I know are nice. Too much info? :P)

  5. eva626 says:

    i liked how you warned pple not to watch the movie. cute post!

  6. Becoming Bitter says:

    You have been mentioned in my new post titled “Thank You!” check it out!!!

  7. Fox@n says:

    Nice post I watched the first one Ehh not so great the next movie i will deff not watch even tho I read your review for 127 hours and watched it it was great but this one seems inappropriate.
    Great post.

  8. Lafemmeroar says:

    I’m not into these films, but now I’m sooo curious. The second one sounds really perverse.

    I liked how you ended this post with your baby brother 🙂

    • K-films are awesome. Shorter than watching an entire drama, but packed with the most hilarious/tearjerking/simply awesome stuff. These two movies aren’t on my favorite film list by any means, but if you’re interested, …no, wait. I’ll copy-paste a review I did of my favorite K-movie, The Man From Nowhere. THAT is pure awesomeness. Hope I can ‘convert’ more people! and thanks, I kinda just wrote as things came to my head, but I’m glad I ended it on a good note.

  9. The Hook says:

    Awesome post! Nicely done.

  10. Raine says:

    I’m glad we feel the same way about Rain. I watched a few BTS and training videos for that and was floored by him. He’s so flippin’ talented. Its disgusting.

    Incest grosses me out. I’m staying a mile away from that.

    And I LOVED that story of your brother. I had that with my sister but not my brother. She and i are 5 years apart so I was old enough to have that kind of relationship with her. But my brother is 3 years younger so it didn’t happen. BYE BYE!

  11. JoAnne says:

    Rain will be my husband in another lifetime. I actually bought Ninja Assassin (ok, it was only 5 dollars) and that is NOT my kind of movie. Way too much blood, truly ridiculously spouting everywhere – but that body that he worked SOOOO hard to get, it deserves to have my money spent on it.

    I love the sound of his voice, and espeeeeeeeeeeeeeeecially when he speaks English. But – and I am going to be 50 this year, Jawa, so I’ve seen a lot of guys, LOL – and am not exactly the fangirl type anyway – I believe honestly that he is the most physically beautiful man I have ever seen even when he is NOT in Ninja shape. I literally swallow when I see him. I will watch anything he does, forever.

    • That is a truly beautiful piece of logic. Now I feel bad for downloading it for free.
      And yeah, the blood -effects were comically overdone. But damn…that body….:D
      I’m still not at the fangirl stage for him, but I do like him a lot.

      • JoAnne says:

        I am not sure why he is so beautiful to me, but he is, and the cherry on top is that I think he’s a gifted actor. He can be funny, charming, menacing, sad, gross, sweet, sexy…I don’t know if the personality he displays in interviews and variety shows is ‘for show’ or not but if it’s really him, he’s also a very likable, admirable young man with a strong work ethic, love for his family and friends, and true appreciation for the life he has earned and the fans who make it possible. That combination of confidence and humility is very appealing to me.
        I wish I would be able to see him in person to see if that charisma works for me in real life, but I would never go to one of his concerts. Not because of his music, which is mostly ok but a little out of character for me…but just because I really dislike that type of event and am very uncomfortable in crowds of thousands.

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