Baby Bro Post #1

I am not a baby person. Never have been, never will be. I don’t get people who go like ‘I love babies!’ and, at every gathering, go around with God-knows-whose kid. What satisfaction could you possibly derive from holding a baby for an evening, and making cooing noises at it? You won’t be around long enough to witness any of the exciting stuff like it growing and developing a personality, and it most definitely won’t remember your face, so what’s the point? I’m not trying to ridicule people who do such things; I’m just saying I don’t understand it from a purely logical point of view.
Anyhow, I was talking to a friend of mine on the phone and the subject of my baby brother eventually came up. Post-rant, after my friend was done laughing, she told me to write about him on my blog. ‘Ew,’ I replied. I DON’T want my blog to be one of those crazy gushy motherly blogs which no one reads, where they discuss minute details of their kid’s life like ’Oh, he farted for the first time today! Isn’t he amazing?’ (There is nothing special about baby farts, Imaginary Lady. Don’t be stupid) I was assured that my writings would be anything BUT that. Keeping those words in mind, I have taken the bold step of writing my first (and possibly last?) Baby Bro post. I’m thinking of limiting the number of stories I include in each post to three, because Lord knows I don’t lack material when it comes to him. I could go on and on. Hope you people find my pain amusing.

Foiled, Yet Again

One thing about having a baby brother around is that no plans, no decisions are concrete. Nothing is for sure. You may have been saving something for special occasions, like a cream that wasn’t being sold in stores anymore, only to have him waddle out of your room smelling all nice and FAMILIAR. You hover over him incredibly and see that his face is covered with three-dimensional quantities of the stuff and that he’s reduced the entire thing by half. He looks up all innocently and wipes a big glob off his face and helpfully offers it to you. ‘Want some?’ his concerned expression asks.
Or yesterday, when my mom got a very complex-looking toothbrush back from the supermarket and I immediately called dibs on it. I was all pleased with myself for having beaten my brothers (ages 11, 14 and 16) to it and opened the packaging. I was at the computer at the time and feeling too lazy to get up and put it in the bathroom, so I ‘hid’ it under the keyboard. I go by my mom’s room later and see my brush on her dresser. “Why is this here?’ I ask nervously, already knowing the answer. ‘Your little brother was using it. I took it out of his mouth. He was brushing so well! Just like I’ve been teaching him!’ AAARGHHHH! Slobber on my toothbrush! NOOO! I couldn’t even inaugurate my own toothbrush. How sad.

Beep

By reading the title of this one, what possible scenarios are you expecting? Him making car noises and being cute? WRONG. Let me explain. I have five brothers. Yes you read right, five. Who has families that big in this day and age, you ask? My parents, apparently. Anyways, in our language (yes, English isn’t my first language. The fact that I speak it better doesn’t make it my first language) older brothers aren’t called by their names, like the Korean way of calling older brothers ‘Hyung’.  So we had the task of appointing variations of the term for ‘brother’ to all four older brothers. The oldest one, the one who’s a year older than me, is ‘Bhai Jan’. The one after is ‘Bhayya’ and the one after him is simply ‘Bhai’. Having run out of variations, for my fourth brother, we just assumed he’d be called by his name or something.  My baby brother (Let’s just call him BOB from now on) had a better idea. He named him ‘Beep’. Yes, beep. As in the car horn sound. He pronounces it perfectly, and it most definitely is ‘Beep’ that he’s saying. And he’s sticking to it. No matter how many times we tell him to say his name, he always calls him by that graciously given name of his, to the point where WE catch ourselves saying it too sometimes.

Where’s Bhai Jan?
My older brother is studying abroad, but was here for the summer. Bob formed an attachment to him, probably because he had an inexhaustible supply of energy to satiate Bob’s hunger for piggyback rides and throwing-up-in-the-air-rides and such. When he left, we asked him, ‘Where’s Bhai Jan?’ and he would wave his hands and say ‘gone’ as if that’s that. Soon after, when he saw my brother’s ginormous fullscreen face in the computer when my mom was web chatting with him, he actually freaked out. (Only the first time. Probably because he was like ‘WHERE’S HIS BODY?!) After that when we would ask him the same question, he’d calmly point towards the computer and go like ‘in there’. Cracked all of us up.

THE END. Please give me your HONEST feedback. Was this lame? Comment or else I shall discontinue this series.*dramatic music*

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About thejawavillager

I am a mad scientist with an underground lab rivaling Dexter's that I will soon use to rule the world. Join my army or be killed in the aftermath.
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80 Responses to Baby Bro Post #1

  1. Becoming Bitter says:

    Lol! No it was not lame. I thought it was very amusing Villager. In fact I myself have decided to just post stories. I only have 2 poetry people following me who rarely if ever comment, I will post only one story per post though. Post away about your baby brother. The glob and body bit were cute. Bitter happens to love children.
    (Is this weekend a religious holiday for you?)

  2. Becoming Bitter says:

    Oh yeah… I forgot to add this. I comment faster than I should. The beep story was hilarious! No, a family of 5 is not too big. Both sides of my family (mom’s and dad’s) have 13 kids. Of course in this day and age – it’s around 4-5 kids per family. Anyway, same thing going on at my house. I have a certain name. Then my younger sister has a certain shortened version of this name and so on. Keep posting my Villager Chingu.

  3. Becoming Bitter says:

    *cyber high-5s back*
    Oh yeah…
    *hugs Villager chingu 3 times in advance*

  4. MadDino says:

    Rawr! “I love babies!” So delicious.

    I love your stories, especially the toothbrush one. I’m the second youngest so I didn’t get much interaction with younger kids growing up. My pet little brother was just two years younger than me, but now I have a nephew! I will corrupt this poor child. It’s still in the boring stage where it can’t talk yet so it may take some time.

    Family sizes: I have 3 siblings and a pet brother. My mom has 3 sisters and my dad has 8. It’s large compared Mr. Dino’s family, but a few of my friends have larger families in the 12-13 range.

  5. Raine says:

    Point 1: I totally have a post on my cat written. We think alike. (Except your less pathetic writing about a relation than I am about my baby cat <–see how I did that? *Baby* cat makes it less lame….) However, its 'bout 3,000 way too long for a blog so I'm working on cutting it down. The point of it is not that I 'coo' but rather how it MAKES me coo. I assert that it is not of my own volition.

    Point 2: (Should come as no surprise after point 1). I'm a baby cooer. I can't help it. I end up hanging out with the kids at 'adult parties' more than I do with the adults. Kids are no nonsense, even when they can't talk. They may pitch a fit, but at least they're honest about it! They like me too. Been following me around ever since I can remember. Now THAT gets annoying

    Point 3: I have a younger brother and sister. The bro wasn't a klepto. The sister however…. Well, because she was born I totallllly feel you on the thieving siblings. Toothbrushes? Yup. Earrings. Yup. Lotions/perfumes/expensive conditioners/make up. Yup. (the make up happens to this day…and she's 21…and the clothes…however, she has elephant feet and I wear size 5 or 6 so the shoes are MINE)

    Point 4: I'm in love with the "beep" story! And just so you know we (all three kids) get called "boops" in my family! (Not sure if its my mom's version of a Yiddish word or not…)

    Point 5: If you don't continue the series, I will climb out of the screen Sawako style and get you.

    • Point 1. I like cats, other people’s cats, that is. I don’t mind holding them and hearing funny stories about them. I know I’ll LOVE reading about your baby cat 😀
      Point 2. .AWWWWW, you talking about kids actually seems cute. I’m sure they adore you, what with you being a disney princess in disguise and all. I have friends who get followed around, I can totally understand how annoying that can get. Sometimes I can barely talk to them because the kids hog them! Yes, I get jealous of the kids.
      Point 3. That’s one of the little things I have to give thanks for. The fact that I don’t have to share my things and can be a complete Nazi when it comes to my stuff.
      Point 4. Thank you!
      Point 5. haha, okay I wont drop it. 🙂

      • Raine says:

        Point 1. I will post it for your enjoyment as soon as my time frees up. It’s been suddenly occupied with a few issues in the family. But my baby cat (whose a year and 10 lbs but still my baby cat) is waiting for you to laugh at his complete idiocy.
        Point 2. I LOVE kids and have been working with them since I was 16. I worked with kids with severe disabilities for a while and most won’t ever talk. So I have a fondness for silent kids whether because of young age or disability. As for being followed ’round, its sweet but not only did my siblings do that when they were younger, other people’s siblings do that. Even if I smile at random babies when I’m out, they stare at me til I leave.
        Point 3. I WISH I would be. My sister is because she’s the youngest and we’ve decided she has a complex. I share EVERYTHING and she shares nothing and no amount of reasoning will change her.
        Point 4. You’re welcome.
        Point 5. My Sawako threat still applies.

  6. Becoming Bitter says:

    That was a beautiful instrumental err…piece Villager. So refined and elegant – like me! 🙂

  7. Becoming Bitter says:

    @ Ranting Cello – *Laughs heartily* You’ve started to call thejawavillager – Villager too! That’s great. Oh I forgot to thank you both for the hugs you’ve given me. I needed them. *Hugs back 14th Bitter style*

    • Raine says:

      14th Bitte – you’ve drawn me away fro my real work and I’m totally immersed in writing this Immortals post! *more hugs for you* Yes, I rather like Villager.

      • Becoming Bitter says:

        Great! I’m waiting for it Ranting Cello. It’s exciting. Finally someone is here to explain to me things I don’t understand about music. I hope it’s not too bothersome.
        Doesn’t Villager sound like a name a K-drama hero would call his heroine? Anyways another reminder – when you’ve posted the post you promised me aka Immortals post – you must read my new post “Congrats!” and comment on that. That goes double for you VIllager!

        • Raine says:

          “you got it dude” (Said in Full House style…Michelle from the AMERICAN full house. One thing K-drama is bad about is stealing titles…)

        • K-drama heroes call their romantic-interest-to-be’s ‘country bumpkin’, not villager. Though I rather like the idea of being a K-drama heroine *dreams away* I’ve made up my mind that when I get married, imma make him sit through ALL the k-dramas I liked. No matter how much he begs me not to, I will. I’ll tell him to learn a thing or two from the heroes. The good things, not the pre-relationship assholedness,

      • MadDino says:

        Good luck with getting him to watch them. Mine couldn’t even finish an episode of City Hunter, but I discovered dramas after I married him it wasn’t a quality I knew he needed.

      • Raine says:

        The next boyfriend I have…we’ll see what damage I can do. The closest thing I have to a man in my life is my cat and he doesn’t like dramas…

        • I like your determination. ‘We’ll see what damage I can do’. Don’t scare the poor guy off though. Wait till you’re married like me, then do your worst. He won’t be able to hide.

      • Raine says:

        Villager, I like how you think. I might start with something darker. I have to watch something like that first…I’m DLing Story of a Man and I heard thats pretty fantabulous.

      • Haven’t watched it. Tell me if its any good.

    • MadDino says:

      I’ll call thejawavillager – Sand Rat just to confuse everyone.

  8. Becoming Bitter says:

    T-T check your email

  9. Becoming Bitter says:

    Lady Dino that’s how I pronounce your name as well. Wait… Villager! Lady Dino and Ranting Cello have already watched the links I posted on Ranting Cello’s blog page. You’ve haven’t yet. Better rectify that mistake. I’m glad Ranting Cello and Lady Dino enjoyed DJ Masa’s work. He’s a Brazilian and he’s learning Korean. In fact, he is quite a famous DJ among K-pop fans. He hosts M-net as well and his videos have over a million views. If anyone is interested in learning more about him or watching more of his videos let me know.

  10. YO PEOPLE. I’m going to sleep. Bye now.

  11. MadDino says:

    I’ve finally finished my death post. Commence blatant self-promotion.

    http://www.maddinoasylum.com/2011/11/05/drama-diseases-corpse-week/

  12. renxkyoko says:

    Hello ! Love your post !

    well, I’m the youngest, and the one before me is 8 years older, There are only 3 of us siblings in the family. I wish I had a younger sibling, a girl, preferably. I happen to like kids. I love to interrogate them to get secrets. You never know what will come out of the mouth of babes. That’s the only reason why I like them. ^ evil laugh*

    Cheers.

    • Thank you!
      Your comment remind me of this one commercial I saw ages ago. It was for lollipops, and they showed clips of a lot of kids spilling family secrets. It was hilarious. Like’ Dad is scared of mom’ n more that I can’t remember. Then a magic hand descends from above and plugs their mouth holes with lollipops. 😀
      I prefer baby boys. They’re more fun to play with and better suited to carry out your evil bidding

  13. Becoming Bitter says:

    Oh Villager! Mad Lady Dino, Ranting Cello, and I were wondering whether you had a twitter or you would get one?
    Ranting Cello and I recently made a twitter (Lady Dino already had one).
    If you’re interested, let us know. You could get more readers that way too.

  14. eva626 says:

    hey there! i actually enjoyed this post! idk but i think i can relate to you! my cousins call their elder brothers the same as you do! ! ! and five brothers!! i have three but they are all younger. i find them rather annoying at times. btw nice to meet you.

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