Introducing…a new character

No, this is not my brother.

I’d like to introduce to you readers a new character in my existence. Well, the existence known to you, anyways. The jawavillager has a baby brother, age: almost 2. That’s right. He lives a few huts off with my parents, but invariably finds his way over to my territory to bother me. Don’t misunderstand, he does it because he loves me so much.

Recently, my parents left to go somewhere for a few days, taking him with them. At first I was ecstatic. I lose so much quality time with my computer due to him, especially at nights, when everyone’s asleep and he has no one else to bother. He’d whine his way into my lap, then onto the keyboard where he’d block my view of the screen and then start pressing buttons. If not that, he’d just sit in my lap and hold me hands so I couldn’t type. Maddening. If I got fed up and deposited him on the ground, instead of crying like he used to when he was small, now he promptly disappears. I smugly continue what I was doing on the computer until my screen suddenly goes dark. I look beneath the table and see that he’s pulled the FREAKING PLUG OUTTA THE SOCKET. This has happened so many times, I’ve accepted defeat and now just turn off the screen and let him make me his slave. When he sees that I’ve given up, he happily leads me to his toys or to the kitchen, where he makes me play with him or, if we’re in the kitchen, places an order for food, as if I’m his personal chef or something. ‘Eggs!’ ‘Juice!’ ‘Water!’ he says all eagerly. How can I say no?
So after ages of  treatment like this, I was undoubtedly glad to have him out of my hair for a while. I stayed up all night, spent the day as I wished without having to get off my tightly planned watching schedule because of him, and, wonder of wonder, didn’t have to do any picking-up of things off the floor, and still the house remained perfectly clean. Ahhhhh, this is the life!

But he’s been gone for two days, and my butt hurts from sitting at the computer for so long. I WANT HIM BACK! I miss him like crazy. I even miss how he comes into my lap when I’m on the computer and faces me, then blows my hair out of my face. It’s a different thing that he’s the one who messes up my hair so that he can blow it in the first place. I’ll take the gentle spray of spittle on my face any day, just bring him back! I’ve learned that it’s unhealthy to not have minor forms of torture in your life. Also, I think I need the exercise of running after him. Oh, my butt hurts. 😦


About thejawavillager

I am a mad scientist with an underground lab rivaling Dexter's that I will soon use to rule the world. Join my army or be killed in the aftermath.
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14 Responses to Introducing…a new character

  1. Becoming Bitter says:

    Oh my… my I have a baby brother the same age!!!
    Yes, that sounds just like him… are you my sister secretly keeping a blog behind my back??
    I do love my baby brother and he also shuts off the TV if it’s not the show he likes to watch.
    Slave… hmm… you keep getting demoted LOL
    JawaV -> Villager -> Slave

  2. Becoming Bitter says:

    Since I have a laptop he doesn’t get to shut if off, but he does shut off the TV.
    But meh… What can an older sibling really do?
    [Side Note: I loved your comment “mormon teenager’s wet dream”]

      • Becoming Bitter says:

        Hey Villager (LOL) if you have any funny stories or any story you want me to make a Haiku on and feature on my blog… I’d be happy to. Oh yeah that story was true (button popping). All those stories are true. I’m not that good to come up with all that material on my own. Life is one funny jungle. Keeps getting convoluted and funnier.

  3. Raine says:

    Ah children. Ah young children. They are sneaky little creatures. This sounds like a 4 y/o girl I often babysit for and she’s just as mischievous. Last night I ended up singing Little Mermaid 20,000 times, playing it on my cello for her, dancing to it, dressing her up in her Mermaid costume, and searching for youtube videos of it on my phone (even though she has the DVD…)

    • OMG, that’s HILARIOUS. You, my friend, are the best babysitter in the world. Little mermaid costume? She must love you/ And you play the cello? That sounds cool, but leave it at home next time. 🙂

      • Raine says:

        I had just come from teaching (I’m a cellist [teacher, free lanceer] by trade) so I had no choice but to bring it inside and you know once you bring ‘the big violin’ inside, there is no hope. But yes, I admit, playing Barbies brought me back. My inner 4 y/o came out until the real 4 y/o drained me of all my energy. (And I just posted some cello/drama related stuff on my blog *shameless self promotion!*)

        • Haha, self-promotion or no, I shall go and check out those cello/drama related posts. 🙂 And I don’t play a musical instrument, unless hollering with my throat counts 😛

          • Raine says:

            Hollaring would be considered by some to be music. Crazy musicians have been known to sample screams and use them in music…think Schoenberg style. If that name doesn’t make sense, maybe this will help.

            Schoenbergs Pierrot Lunaire that uses this crazy vocal technique called ‘sprechtstimme’ which is like talk singing. Heehee. Oh the weird crap we learn in music school.

      • Whoa. That was…bizarre. Was that German? LOL, that IS weird. Its like the crazy lady is talking to herself then breaks away and sings a few high notes, then continues mumbling. LOL.

      • The balcony. I forgot to mention it seems like the crazy lady is singing/talking on a balcony. 😛

        • Raine says:

          Hehe. It is WEIRD. And yes it was in German and the words I used were German. It’s about a sad clown (based of the Pierrot Lunaire story if you’re familiar with it. It was also made into a ballet.) I can’t remember the story…I should look it up…but I’m watching Sang Doo, Let’s Go to School…

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